Medical Oncologist
CION Cancer Clinics
How to tell your sons about an inherited prostate cancer risk | CION Cancer Clinics
If a gene fault linked to prostate cancer has been found in the family, each of your sons has a one in two chance of carrying it. Telling them gives them the choice to be tested and, if they carry it, to start checks earlier than other men. This page covers when to tell them, what to say, how to handle their reactions, and what to do if a son does not want to know. At CION Cancer Clinics, our oncologists plan screening and care for families with an inherited cancer syndrome, explained in plain words.
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Medically reviewed by Dr. Naresh GunduConsultant Medical Oncologist · MBBS, DNB (Internal Medicine), DM (Medical Oncology, AIIMS) · last reviewed September 2026, next review due September 2027
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On this page
- Should I tell my sons about the family gene fault?
- What your sons actually need to hear
- How to have the conversation
- The terms your sons may ask about, in plain language
- What sons often say, and what you can answer
- Four things parents tell us, and what is actually true
- What this page cannot tell you
- Common questions about telling sons
The short answer
Should I tell my sons about the family gene fault?
Yes, in most families it is worth telling them. If you or their mother carries a fault such as BRCA2 or a Lynch gene, each son has a one in two chance of carrying it too. Knowing gives him the choice to be tested and, if he carries it, to start prostate and other checks earlier than other men.
Why saying it out loud matters
A son who does not know cannot act. He may ignore early symptoms, skip checks that would suit him, or find out only when he is diagnosed himself. Telling him does not mean he must be tested. It means the decision becomes his instead of being made for him by silence.
When is the right time?
For most of these faults the risk arises in adult life, so testing usually waits until a son is an adult and can choose for himself. The conversation itself can start earlier and happen in stages. Many parents choose to have the full conversation before a son marries or plans a family, because the result may matter for his children too. With Lynch syndrome, bowel screening starts in young adulthood, so an earlier conversation helps.
There is rarely one perfect moment. A calm, honest conversation at an imperfect time is better than none.The message itself
What your sons actually need to hear
You do not need to explain genetics. Four clear points are enough, and a counsellor can fill in the rest.
What was found
The name of the gene, who in the family carries it, and that it can pass from a parent to a son or a daughter.
Have ready
- A copy of the genetic report
- The exact variant name
- The family letter, if one was given
What it means
He has a one in two chance of carrying it. If he does, his risk of certain cancers is raised. Raised risk is not a diagnosis, and many carriers never develop cancer.
What he can do
He can be tested for the exact family fault with a blood sample. If he carries it, earlier PSA checks and other screening can be planned. If he does not, he can stop worrying about this fault.
That the choice is his
He may test now, later or never. He may want to talk to a counsellor first, or to his wife. Respecting that is what keeps the conversation open.
Every son and every daughter has their own separate one in two chance.Not sure whether this applies to you?
Ask an oncologistA practical approach
How to have the conversation
Talk to your counsellor first
Ask exactly what the result means for your sons, and whether a family letter can be written for them. Counselling in Telugu can be arranged if that is easier at home.
Choose the setting
A quiet time without other relatives present works best. Sons who live abroad or in another city can be told on a video call, with the report sent afterwards.
Say it plainly
Start with the fact, then what it means, then what he can do. Keep it short. Leave room for questions, and do not try to answer every one on the spot.
Leave something in writing
Give him the family letter and a copy of the report. It is what he will take to a counsellor, and it saves him a larger and costlier test.
Come back to it
Most people need time. Check in again after a few weeks, without pressure, and let him know the offer of testing stays open.
Words that will come up
The terms your sons may ask about, in plain language
- Carrier
- Someone who has the family fault but does not have cancer. A carrier is not a patient.
- Predictive test
- A test in someone who is well, to find out whether they carry a fault already known in the family.
- Family letter
- A short letter from the counsellor naming the fault, for relatives to take to their own doctor.
- Cascade testing
- Testing relatives step by step once a fault has been found in the family.
- PSA
- A blood test for a protein made by the prostate, used to look for prostate cancer early.
- The right not to know
- Every adult may choose not to be tested, and that choice should be respected.
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Side by side
What sons often say, and what you can answer
What he may say
What you can say
"I feel fine."
"Carriers do feel fine. The test is about what to watch for."
"Isn't BRCA a women's gene?"
"It raises prostate risk in men too, and men pass it on."
"Will this spoil my marriage?"
"Who you tell is your decision. A counsellor can help."
"I will think about it later."
"That is your right. The offer stays open."
Commonly believed
Four things parents tell us, and what is actually true
"We should test the boys now, while they are young, to be safe."
For faults that raise risk only in adult life, testing children adds worry without changing anything they would do. Most guidelines advise waiting until they are adults and can decide for themselves.
"If I do not tell them, I am protecting them."
Silence protects them from a difficult conversation, not from the fault. A son who knows can be checked early. A son who does not may find out only when he is diagnosed.
"Only the eldest son needs to know."
Each child inherits separately. The eldest's result says nothing about his brothers or sisters, so each one deserves to be told directly.
"One son tested negative, so the others must be clear too."
A negative result in one son does not change the chance for the others. Each still has a one in two chance until he is tested himself.
Being straight with you
What this page cannot tell you
It cannot tell you whether any of your sons carries the fault. Only a test can. It also cannot tell you how your family will react. Every family is different, and a counsellor who knows yours can help you plan the words and the timing.
It cannot interpret the report
The advice for your sons depends on the exact gene and variant, and on which parent carries it. What your specific variant means for them is a question for the counsellor who ordered the test. Screening plans for men differ from gene to gene.
Who this does not apply to
If the fault was found only in a tumour sample, and not in a blood test, it was not inherited and your sons cannot have received it. If your family simply has one older relative with prostate cancer and no gene fault has been found, there is usually nothing specific for your sons to be tested for. Their doctor can still discuss when to start routine PSA checks.
If you are not sure whether your result came from blood or from the tumour, check the report or ask your oncologist.Questions we are asked
Common questions about telling sons
How old should my son be before he is tested?
For BRCA and most faults linked to prostate cancer, testing waits until he is an adult who can give his own consent. There is no fixed upper age. Many men choose to test when they are thinking about marriage, children or starting screening.
My son lives abroad. How can he be tested?
He can be tested where he lives. Send him a copy of the genetic report and the family letter, so his own doctor or counsellor can order a test for the exact variant. There is no need for him to travel home for it.
Should I tell my daughters as well?
Yes. Daughters have the same one in two chance, and for BRCA faults their own risks of breast and ovarian cancer are often the most important part of the result. Telling sons and daughters together is often simpler than telling them separately.
My family wants to keep this secret. What should I do?
This is common, often because of worries about marriage. You can respect privacy outside the family while still telling the people whose health is affected. A counsellor can help you find a way to do both.
What if my son is angry with me?
Anger is a common first reaction, and it usually passes. Nobody chooses the genes they pass on, and you are giving him information that can protect him. If the tension lasts, a counsellor can meet him separately.
Does my son have to tell his future wife's family?
There is no legal duty to disclose, and it is his decision. Many people choose to tell a future spouse before marriage, because the result may matter for their children. A counsellor can help him think through what to say.
What if my son does not want to know?
That is his right. Make sure he knows where the report and the family letter are kept, in case he changes his mind later. He can still tell his own doctor about the family history, which can change when checks start.
Will the test be expensive for my sons?
A test for a fault already known in the family is usually simpler and cheaper than the first test was. Call the CION helpline to ask what it involves, and someone will explain the process and what to bring.
Your Specialists
Meet CION's oncologists. Bring your family history or genetic report to them.
Our medical oncologists see people with a strong family history of cancer, arrange genetic counselling and testing where it fits, and plan the checks that follow.
Medical Oncologist
Dr. C. Raghavendra Reddy
MBBS(Gold Medal), DNB(General Medicine), DM(Medical Oncology)(Gold Medal)
Medical Oncologist
Dr. Bharati Devi Gorantla
MBBS, MD(General Medicine), DM(Medical Oncology)(Adyar,Chennai), ECMO, MRCP SCE(UK)
Medical Oncologist
Dr. Owais Mohammed
MBBS, MD (General Medicine), DrNB (Medical Oncology), ECMO, MRCP SCE (Medical Oncology) (UK)
Medical Oncologist
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Sources
- National Cancer Institute — Genetics of Prostate Cancer (PDQ) - Health Professional Version
- National Cancer Institute — BRCA Gene Changes: Cancer Risk and Genetic Testing
- NHS — Predictive genetic tests for cancer risk genes
- MedlinePlus Genetics — Prostate cancer
This page is general information, not a prescription. Do not change or stop any treatment based on what you read here. If anything is worrying you, contact your own treating team — or call our helpline and we will help you reach the right specialist.
Keep reading
Related pages
What to send a relative: the family letterThe document your sons will take to their own doctorWhy most adult-onset genes are not tested in childhoodWhy testing young sons usually waitsPSA screening for men with a gene faultWhat a son who carries the fault can expectWhen a relative does not want to knowRespecting a son's choice without closing the door
Talk to us
Not sure how to tell your sons?
A genetic counsellor can help you plan the words, write a family letter and talk to your sons directly if they want. One helpline serves every CION centre.