Coping with how your body looks after a mastectomy | CION Cancer Clinics

Yes. Grief, shock, embarrassment or feeling like a stranger in your own body are all common after a mastectomy. For most women these feelings ease with time, practical help and someone to talk to, and there is no right speed for that to happen.

Why it can hit hard

The breast is tied up with how many women see themselves as a wife, a mother and a woman. Losing one, often within weeks of hearing the word cancer, leaves little time to adjust. Hair loss from chemotherapy, weight change and tiredness can arrive at the same moment. It is not vanity to mourn that. It is a real loss.

Why some women feel relief instead

Not everyone feels sad. Some women mainly feel relieved that the cancer has been removed, and then feel guilty for not grieving. Others feel fine at first and struggle months later, once treatment ends and the family's attention moves on. All of these patterns are normal.

Many women stay silent because they fear upsetting the family or being seen differently. That silence can make it lonelier. Saying even one honest sentence, such as "I am finding it hard to look at myself", often opens the door.

Your husband or partner

Partners often worry about hurting you, and hold back from touching you for that reason. You may read that as rejection when it is not. Tell each other what you are afraid of. Our page on marriage and mastectomy covers these conversations, including intimacy, in more detail.

Relatives and questions

You do not owe anyone a description of your surgery. A short, ready answer, such as "I am recovering well, thank you", helps with curious relatives. Choose who you tell more, and let a son or daughter handle questions if that is easier for you.

Your children

Children notice more than families expect. A simple, honest explanation suited to their age, such as "the doctors took away the part of Amma that was ill", is usually less frightening than silence. Older children and adult sons and daughters may want to help. Letting them carry the shopping or sit with you at an appointment gives them a way to do something useful with their own worry.

It cannot tell you how long it will take you to feel at home in your body again, or whether reconstruction, a form or neither is the right choice for you. Those answers are personal, and they may change over the years.

Where to start

Tell someone on your surgical team how you are feeling at your next visit. They hear this often and will not think less of you. Ask whether a counsellor or a breast care nurse can see you. If you are curious about reconstruction, ask for a discussion, even if you are not ready to decide.