Medical Oncologist
CION Cancer Clinics
Getting used to a stoma, emotionally | CION Cancer Clinics
Feeling shocked, low, angry or ashamed after getting a stoma is common, and for most people it eases as the routine becomes familiar. When low mood lasts for weeks, keeps you at home or brings thoughts of self-harm, it is more than adjustment and needs help. This page explains what is usual, the signs to watch for, and where support comes from. CION Cancer Clinics’ surgical oncologists in Hyderabad can talk this through with you.
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Medically reviewed by Dr. Muralidhar MuddusettyConsultant Surgical Oncologist · MBBS (AIIMS), MS (Surgery, AIIMS), DNB (Surgical Oncology), MRCS (Edinburgh) · last reviewed September 2026, next review due September 2027
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The short answer
Is it normal to feel low after getting a stoma?
Yes. Grief, anger, disgust and fear are common reactions to a stoma, and for most people they ease as the practical side becomes routine. When low mood stays, deepens or stops you living your life, that may be depression, and depression can be treated.
Why a stoma hits so hard
A stoma changes something most people never think about. It often arrives after a cancer diagnosis, a long operation and days in hospital, so it lands on top of everything else. Many people feel they have lost control of their body, their privacy or their sense of being clean. Those are real losses, and it is reasonable to grieve them.
Why it can be harder inside a family
At home you may be surrounded by people who love you and still feel alone. Relatives may say "at least you are alive" when you need them to listen. Some people hide their feelings to protect children or elderly parents, which makes the weight heavier.
What this page cannot tell you
It cannot tell you whether what you feel is depression. Only a conversation with a doctor or counsellor can do that. It can help you notice the signs and know when to ask.
Over time
How does adjustment usually unfold?
Everyone moves at their own pace, and rarely in a straight line. This is a common pattern, not a schedule.
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In hospital
Many people do not want to look at the stoma. Some feel numb, some cry, some feel relief that the operation is over. The first bag change with the nurse is often when it starts to feel real.
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The first weeks at home
Often the hardest stretch. You are tired, still healing, and learning a new routine without a nurse beside you. One leak can feel like a disaster. Poor sleep and tearfulness are common.
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Going out again
The first trip to a shop, a temple or a relative's house is a big step. Fear of leaks or smell often keeps people at home longer than their body needs.
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Finding a routine
Over the following months, most people learn their output, trust their bag and stop planning every hour around it. Confidence tends to return in small, uneven steps.
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Longer term
Many people say the stoma becomes a background fact of life. Feelings can return at big moments, such as a wedding, a new relationship or a scan. That is normal too, and not a sign of going backwards.
Not sure whether this applies to you?
Ask an oncologistNaming it
Which feelings come up most often?
Naming a feeling makes it easier to talk about. You may recognise several of these at once.
Disgust or shame
Many people cannot bear to look at the stoma at first. Looking for a few seconds longer each day, perhaps with someone you trust nearby, usually softens this.
Fear of leaks and smell
This is the fear that most often keeps people at home. A well-fitted bag with a filter, and a spare kit carried everywhere, make leaks rarer and easier to handle.
If leaks keep happening, ask the stoma nurse to check the fit.Anger and "why me"
Anger at the illness, at the doctors or at God is common. It does not mean you are ungrateful for treatment. Saying it aloud to someone safe helps more than holding it in.
Worry about intimacy
Fear that a partner will be put off, or that marriage talks will fail, is very common. Our guides on intimacy and on marriage cover this in more detail.
Lost confidence
Work, travel and social life can all feel out of reach. Small, planned outings rebuild confidence faster than waiting until you feel ready.
!
One thing that cannot wait
If you, or the person you care for, has thoughts of ending their life or of self-harm, treat it as urgent. Tell someone close today, contact a doctor the same day, or go to the nearest emergency department. You can also call Tele-MANAS, the free national mental health helpline, on 14416. Do not wait for the next clinic visit, and do not keep it secret to spare the family worry.
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Commonly believed
What beliefs about low mood hold people back?
"Feeling this sad means I am not coping."
Sadness, anger and fear after a stoma are normal responses to a big change. Coping does not mean feeling fine. It means getting through the days, and asking for help when the weight does not lift.
"The operation worked, so I have no right to complain."
You can be thankful for treatment and still grieve what it changed. Both are true at once. Hiding the grief usually makes it last longer, not shorter.
"Depression is a weakness, and its medicines are addictive."
Depression is a medical condition, not a failing of character. Talking therapy helps many people. The medicines commonly used are not considered addictive, though they should only be started, changed or stopped on a doctor's advice.
"Talking about it will only upset the family more."
Families usually sense something is wrong already. Being told plainly lets them help in the right way. If that conversation feels too hard, a counsellor can hold it with you.
Words you may hear
What do the terms the team uses mean?
- Body image
- How you see and feel about your own body. A stoma often shakes it, and it can be worked on like any other part of recovery.
- Adjustment
- The gradual process of getting used to a big change. Most people move through it unevenly, with good weeks and bad ones.
- Depression
- Low mood or loss of interest that lasts for weeks rather than days, and affects sleep, appetite, energy or daily life.
- Anxiety
- Worry and fear that feel hard to switch off, often with a racing heart, poor sleep or avoiding places and people.
- Psycho-oncology
- The part of cancer care that looks after emotional and mental health during and after treatment.
- Peer support
- Talking with other people who live with a stoma. Many find it the most practical help of all.
Getting help
Where can you get help, and what does it involve?
Start with the team you already know. Your surgeon, stoma nurse or family doctor can talk through how you feel and, if needed, refer you to a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Talking therapy
A counsellor or psychologist helps you make sense of the feelings and find practical ways through them. Sessions may be in person, by video or by phone, and can include your husband, wife or another family member if you want.
Medicine
For depression that is more than mild, a psychiatrist may suggest an antidepressant alongside talking therapy. It usually takes some weeks to help. Tell them you have a stoma, especially an ileostomy, because some tablets are absorbed differently.
When reading is not enough
A page like this does not replace help when mood is very low. If you cannot get out of bed, have stopped eating, or feel hopeless, do not wait to read more. Speak to a doctor.
Family members can tell the team they are worried. The team will usually want to hear it.Questions we are asked
Common questions about feelings after a stoma
How long does it take to adjust to a stoma?
There is no fixed timeline. Many people find the first weeks at home the hardest and feel steadier once changing the bag becomes routine, often over some months. Some feelings return at big moments later. If you feel no better, or worse, after several weeks, tell your team rather than waiting.
How do I know if it is depression and not just sadness?
Sadness comes and goes. Depression tends to stay most of the day, most days, for weeks. Signs include losing interest in things you enjoyed, sleeping or eating far more or less, feeling worthless, and pulling away from people. Only a doctor can say for sure, so mention it at your next visit or sooner.
Is it normal not to want to look at the stoma?
Yes, especially at first. Many people look away during early bag changes. Try looking a few seconds longer each time, with the nurse or someone you trust nearby. If after some weeks you still cannot look at it or touch it at all, ask your stoma nurse or a counsellor for help.
Will antidepressants affect my stoma?
Some medicines change bowel habits, and some slow-release tablets are not fully absorbed with an ileostomy. That does not stop you being treated. Tell the prescribing doctor what type of stoma you have and let them choose. Do not start, stop or change any medicine on your own.
My father refuses to leave the house since his surgery. What can we do?
Fear of leaks and smell is a common reason. Start small: a short walk nearby, then a visit to one relative, with a spare kit in a bag. Ask the stoma nurse to check the fit so leaks are less likely. If he also seems low most days, tell his doctor, because this may be depression.
Can a support group help?
For many people, yes. Meeting someone who has lived with a stoma for years answers questions no doctor can, and shows that ordinary life is possible. Ask your stoma nurse about groups nearby. Some meet in person, and some run phone or messaging groups for people outside the city.
Is it wrong to feel angry at my doctors?
No. Anger is a common part of grief, and it can land on the people who treated you. If you have a specific concern about your care, raise it calmly with the team. If the anger is at the situation itself, a counsellor can help you work through it.
Who can I talk to about how I am feeling?
Tell any member of your treating team, including your stoma nurse. They can arrange for someone to talk it through with you. You can also call the CION helpline, and we will help you reach the right specialist. In a crisis, go to the nearest emergency department.
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Sources
- NHS — Depression in adults
- NHS — Colostomy
- National Cancer Institute — Coping with cancer
- Macmillan Cancer Support — Cancer information and support
This page is general information, not a prescription. Do not change or stop any treatment based on what you read here. If anything is worrying you, contact your own treating team — or call our helpline and we will help you reach the right specialist.
Keep reading
Related pages
The Emotional Side of Cancer SurgeryFear, low mood and recovery after any cancer operationTelling People You Have a StomaDeciding who knows, and what to saySex and Intimacy With a StomaWhen worry about closeness is weighing on youMarriage and Stoma in Indian FamiliesSpouses, in-laws and marriage talksStoma CareEvery stoma guide in one place
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