Medical Oncologist
CION Cancer Clinics
Telling your children about a genetic result | CION Cancer Clinics
Most children cope better with a simple truth from a parent than with a secret they can sense. You can tell them about an inherited gene result gently, in pieces, and in words that fit their age. Telling them is not the same as testing them. This page covers when to start, what to say, what to avoid, and who can help you plan the conversation. At CION Cancer Clinics, our team helps carriers and their families plan checks, next steps and support after a genetic result.
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Medically reviewed by Dr. Naresh GunduConsultant Medical Oncologist · MBBS, DNB (Internal Medicine), DM (Medical Oncology, AIIMS) · last reviewed September 2026, next review due September 2027
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On this page
- Should you tell your children about your genetic result?
- What changes how you tell them?
- How do you actually start the conversation?
- How do you explain the key words to a child?
- What to say, and what to avoid saying
- What this page cannot tell you
- Four worries parents bring to us, and what is actually true
- Common questions about telling children
The short answer
Should you tell your children about your genetic result?
In most families, yes. Children cope better with a simple truth told by a parent than with a secret they can sense but cannot name. You do not have to say everything at once, and telling them is not the same as testing them.
Telling is not testing
Most inherited cancer faults raise risk only in adult life. For those, the usual advice is that children are not tested until they are old enough to decide for themselves. So the conversation you have now is about the family. It is not a result for them. You are giving them the start of a story they will fill in as they grow.
Why silence rarely protects them
Children notice hushed phone calls, hospital visits and a parent who seems worried. When nobody explains, they often imagine something worse, or decide it is their fault. In a joint family, a grandparent or a cousin may mention it before you do. Hearing it first from you keeps you as the person they come back to with questions.
You can take this slowly. One honest conversation now, and more later, is the usual pattern.Before you begin
What changes how you tell them?
No two families have this conversation the same way. Four things decide how much you say and when.
Their age and maturity
A young child needs a sentence or two. A teenager can handle the real words and will probably search them online anyway. Match the detail to the child in front of you, not to a rule.
Whether you are unwell
If you have cancer now, the gene is one part of a larger conversation about your illness. If you are well and only carry the fault, the message is calmer. You know something useful, and you are being checked.
Whether it matters in childhood
A small number of syndromes do affect children and need checks to start young. If yours is one of them, your child's doctors will guide the timing and the words. For most adult-onset genes, there is no rush.
What the family already believes
Some families speak of cancer as a curse, a punishment or something to hide. Children absorb this quietly. Part of your job is to replace it with a plain explanation: nobody did anything wrong, and nobody chose this.
Not sure whether this applies to you?
Ask an oncologistOne way to do it
How do you actually start the conversation?
Get clear on the facts first
Before you talk to your children, make sure you understand what your result means for them. Ask your genetic counsellor directly whether it affects children, and when testing would make sense. Write the answers down.
Pick an ordinary moment
A quiet walk, a drive or a meal at home works better than a formal sit-down that feels like bad news. Choose a time when you are not rushed and can stay for the questions.
Start from what they already know
Ask what they have noticed or heard. This tells you where to begin and corrects frightening ideas early. Then say the new part plainly, in one or two sentences.
Say what happens next
Children cope best when they know the plan. Tell them you are being looked after, that doctors will check you regularly, and that there is nothing they need to do now.
Leave the door open
End by telling them they can ask again, any day. Many children come back with questions later, often at bedtime. That is a sign the conversation worked.
Words that work at home
How do you explain the key words to a child?
- Gene
- A tiny instruction inside the body, like one line in a recipe. Everyone has thousands, and they pass from parents to children.
- Gene fault
- A spelling mistake in one instruction. It is nobody's fault. It happened long ago and was passed down the family.
- Carrier
- Someone who has the spelling mistake but is not ill. Many carriers stay well.
- Higher chance
- The fault makes some illnesses more likely, not certain. Doctors watch carriers more closely so that problems are found early.
- Check-ups
- Regular scans or tests that look for early changes. They are how carriers stay one step ahead.
- Genetic counsellor
- A specialist who explains what a result means and helps families decide what to do. Older children can meet one too.
Side by side
What to say, and what to avoid saying
Instead of this
Try this
"You will probably get cancer too."
"Some of us have a higher chance, and doctors know how to watch for it."
"Don't tell anyone about this."
"This is family information. We can decide together who to tell."
"You are too young to understand."
"Here is the simple version. Ask me anything, any time."
"It is nothing, don't worry."
"It is important, and we have a plan. You don't need to do anything."
"You must get tested now."
"When you are grown up, you can decide whether you want a test."
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Being straight with you
What this page cannot tell you
It cannot tell you whether your child should be tested, or when. That depends on the exact gene, the ages at which it tends to cause problems, and whether any check would actually help a child. What your specific variant means for your children is a question for the counsellor who ordered the test.
It cannot choose the words for your family
You know your children. Some want the whole picture at once. Others need small pieces spread over months. A genetic counsellor or a child psychologist can help you plan the conversation, and some will sit in on it with you.
Who this does not apply to
If your result was negative, or showed only a variant of uncertain significance, there may be nothing to pass on and nothing to tell in these terms. If the gene belongs to one of the few syndromes that affect childhood, your child's own doctors will lead the conversation and the timing, and this general advice comes second.
Commonly believed
Four worries parents bring to us, and what is actually true
"They are too young to understand anything about genes."
Children understand more than adults expect, as long as the words are simple. A young child can grasp that some families need extra check-ups. The detail can come later, one question at a time.
"Telling them will make them worry all their lives."
Studies of families so far are small, but they suggest that children told early and calmly usually cope well. Worry tends to be worse when the news arrives suddenly in adulthood, or by accident.
"If I tell them, they will have to be tested straight away."
Telling and testing are separate. For most adult-onset faults, testing waits until the child can make the choice. Knowing the family history simply means they will not be surprised later.
"It is kinder to wait until marriage talks begin."
Waiting until a proposal is on the table puts the news at the most pressured moment possible. Young adults who already know can take time to understand it before those conversations start.
Questions we are asked
Common questions about telling children
At what age should I tell my child about a genetic result?
There is no fixed age. Most parents start with a simple version when the child first notices something, such as a hospital visit, and add detail as the child grows. By the teenage years, most children can understand the real words and should hear them from you before anyone else.
Should both parents be there when we tell the children?
If possible, yes. It shows the children this is something the family is handling together. If the gene came from one side of the family, the other parent's calm presence also helps stop any sense of blame from settling in.
What if my child asks whether they have the gene?
Answer honestly: nobody knows yet, and there is no need to find out now. Explain that they can choose whether to be tested when they are older, and that doctors will help them decide. If the syndrome does affect children, your counsellor will explain the plan.
My teenager is angry about it. Is that normal?
Yes. Anger, fear and silence are all normal first reactions, and teenagers often feel their future has been decided for them. Give them time and some control, such as choosing whether to meet the counsellor. If the anger lasts or turns into withdrawal, ask a counsellor or child psychologist for help.
Should I tell my child's school?
Usually there is no need. A carrier status that matters only in adult life has no bearing on school. If your child is upset, a trusted teacher can simply be told that the family is going through a difficult time, without the details.
Can a genetic counsellor talk to my children directly?
Many counsellors will see older children and teenagers with a parent, and some help younger children with drawings or simple books. Ask when you book. You can also ask for the session in Telugu, which helps when grandparents need to hear the same words.
What if my in-laws do not want the children told?
This is common, especially where marriage prospects are a worry. Listen to the fear behind it, then explain that children usually cope better with the truth. A counsellor can meet the wider family and explain things in a way that often carries more weight than a parent alone.
Where can I get help planning the conversation?
Start with the genetic counsellor who gave you your result. They have helped many families through this. You can also call the CION helpline and ask for counselling support. Bringing your spouse or another trusted adult to that session often makes the talk at home easier.
Your Specialists
Meet CION's oncologists. Bring your family history or genetic report to them.
Our medical oncologists see people with a strong family history of cancer, arrange genetic counselling and testing where it fits, and plan the checks that follow.
Medical Oncologist
Dr. C. Raghavendra Reddy
MBBS(Gold Medal), DNB(General Medicine), DM(Medical Oncology)(Gold Medal)
Medical Oncologist
Dr. Bharati Devi Gorantla
MBBS, MD(General Medicine), DM(Medical Oncology)(Adyar,Chennai), ECMO, MRCP SCE(UK)
Medical Oncologist
Dr. Owais Mohammed
MBBS, MD (General Medicine), DrNB (Medical Oncology), ECMO, MRCP SCE (Medical Oncology) (UK)
Medical Oncologist
Medical Oncologist
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Sources
- National Cancer Institute — Cancer Genetics Risk Assessment and Counseling (PDQ) – Health Professional Version
- NHS — Predictive genetic tests for cancer risk genes
- Cancer Research UK — Inherited cancer genes and increased cancer risk
- MedlinePlus Genetics — What is genetic counseling?
This page is general information, not a prescription. Do not change or stop any treatment based on what you read here. If anything is worrying you, contact your own treating team — or call our helpline and we will help you reach the right specialist.
Keep reading
Related pages
What to say at what ageSample words for toddlers, teenagers and young adultsGuilt about passing a gene to your childrenFor the feeling that often comes before the conversationTelling your parents you carry a geneThe same news, told to the generation aboveTelling siblings and managing their reactionsBrothers and sisters may need testing too
Talk to us
Not sure how to tell your children?
A genetic counsellor can help you plan the words and, if you want, sit in on the conversation with you. Tell us your situation and we will arrange it. One helpline serves every CION centre.