Medical Oncologist
CION Cancer Clinics
How do I explain my colon cancer to my children? | CION Cancer Clinics
Tell them, in words that fit their age, and do it soon. Children notice a tired parent, hospital trips and phone calls that stop when they walk in, and what they imagine is usually worse than the truth. This page gives you words for each age, a simple way to start the first conversation, plain ways to explain an operation, chemotherapy or a stoma bag, and when to ask a counsellor for help. At CION Cancer Clinics, our team supports patients and families with diet, bowel changes and life during and after treatment.
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Medically reviewed by Dr. Naresh GunduConsultant Medical Oncologist · MBBS, DNB (Internal Medicine), DM (Medical Oncology, AIIMS) · last reviewed October 2026, next review due October 2027
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The short answer
Should I tell my children I have colon cancer?
Yes, in words that fit their age, and soon. Children notice a parent who is tired, worried and going to hospital, and what they imagine is usually worse than the truth.
Why hiding it rarely works
Children overhear phone calls and see the whispering that stops when they walk in. A child who senses a secret often decides it is their fault, or that the parent is about to die. Telling them replaces a fear they cannot name with something real.
What "honest" means for a child
It does not mean telling them everything. It means that nothing you say will have to be taken back later. "I have an illness called cancer in my tummy. The doctors are going to treat it and I will be tired for a while" is honest. "It is nothing, do not worry" is not, because they will watch it become something.
Who this page is not for
It is for a parent with colon cancer talking to their own children. If the child is the patient, or a grandparent in the house is ill, the words differ. Ask the treating team or a counsellor for help with those.
You do not need to get it perfect. Children forgive a clumsy conversation far more easily than a silence.By age
What do children of different ages need to hear?
The facts stay the same at every age. The amount you say, and the words, change.
Under five
Very small children need to know three things: Amma or Nanna is sick, the doctors are helping, and who will look after them. Use the word cancer, so they do not first hear it from someone else. Expect to repeat it many times.
They will ask
- Who will pick me up from school?
- Can I catch it?
- Did I do something?
Primary school age
Children of this age can understand that cancer is cells growing where they should not, and that treatment is an operation or medicine. They worry about death even if they do not say so. Answer the question underneath the question.
Tell the class teacher. A child who is quiet or tearful at school is easier to help when the school knows why.Teenagers
Teenagers will search the internet, so give them accurate words to search: the stage and the name of the treatment. They may seem not to care. They care very much, and often take on adult jobs at home.
Worth saying
- Exams and friends still matter, and that is allowed
- They may ask the doctor anything, directly
- Looking after a parent is not their job alone
Not sure whether this applies to you?
Ask an oncologistA way to do it
How do I actually have the conversation?
Choose a calm time, both parents if possible
Not at bedtime, not before school. Have the other parent or a grandparent beside you, so the child sees the adults are together.
Say the word and where it is
"I have an illness called cancer. It is in my colon, which is part of my tummy." Naming the place stops the child imagining it everywhere, and stops them being frightened by the word when an aunt uses it.
Say what will change for them
Who will do the school run, who will cook, which days you will be at the hospital. Children cope with a plan better than with a mood.
Tell them it is nobody's fault and not catching
Say both things plainly even if they do not ask. Younger children link illness to bad behaviour or to germs, and will quietly worry about both unless told otherwise.
Leave the door open
End with "you can ask me anything, any time, and I will tell you the truth." Then expect the real questions to arrive days later, in the car or at bedtime, when the child is ready.
In a child's words
How do I explain the treatment words?
- Cancer
- Some cells in my body grew when they should not and made a lump. The doctors know how to treat it.
- Colon
- The long tube inside my tummy that food passes through after my stomach. The lump is in that tube.
- Operation
- The doctors will take the lump out while I am asleep. I will be in hospital for some days and sore for a while after.
- Chemotherapy
- Strong medicine that kills any cancer cells that are left. It can make me tired and sometimes sick. That means the medicine is working hard, and it does not mean the cancer is worse.
- Stoma bag
- The doctors made a small opening on my tummy for poo to come out into a bag, because the tube needs to rest. It is not dirty and it does not hurt. (Only if one is planned; see living with a stoma.)
- Scan
- A big camera that takes pictures of the inside of my body.
Commonly believed
Four things parents tell us, and what is actually true
"They are too young to understand, so there is no point telling them."
A small child cannot understand cancer, but they understand completely that something is wrong at home. What they need is a reason for the change, and reassurance about who will look after them. The explanation of the disease can grow as they do.
"If I cry in front of them, I will frighten them."
A parent who cries and says "I am sad because I am ill, and crying helps" teaches a child that feelings are allowed. Brief tears do no harm. If you are breaking down again and again, that is the time to ask for support.
"I should not mention the bowel or the bag. It is shameful."
Children are far less squeamish about poo than adults are. A matter-of-fact explanation of a stoma bag usually gets curiosity, not disgust. The shame is ours, not theirs, and passing it on makes your own recovery lonelier.
"They will ask if I am going to die, and I cannot answer that."
You can answer it honestly without a prediction. "The doctors are treating it so that I get better, and I will always tell you the truth about how it is going" is true at any stage. Do not promise an outcome you do not know. Children remember promises.
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Being straight with you
What this page cannot tell you
It cannot tell you how your treatment will go. That depends on your stage and scans, and only your oncologist can speak to it. "I will ask the doctor and tell you" is a complete reply to a child.
It cannot replace a counsellor
Some children stop eating, wet the bed again or refuse school. Some parents cannot get the words out at all. CION can arrange psycho-oncology counselling for the patient and the family, and a counsellor can sit with you while you tell the children if that is what it takes. If Telugu is easier for you or the children, say so when you call.
It is not about inherited risk
Most colon cancer is not passed down, and most children of a patient need no genetic test and nothing at all while they are children. Earlier screening in adult life may be advised later. If your tumour report raises an inherited syndrome, your oncologist will say so, and the pages on whether your children should be screened and on telling children about an inherited condition cover that separately. The page on telling the rest of the family covers adults.
If you do not know how to start, call the helpline and say so. Someone will help you find the first sentence.Questions we are asked
Common questions about telling children
Should I use the word "cancer" with a small child?
Yes. If you do not, they will hear it from a cousin, a neighbour or a television and attach it to the worst thing they can imagine. Said calmly by you, with "the doctors are treating it", the word loses most of its power.
Should the children come to the hospital?
Usually yes, for a short visit once you are comfortable, and after someone has described what they will see: the drip, the bag, the tiredness. Seeing the real thing is less frightening than imagining it. Ask the ward first, and keep the first visit brief.
What if the child asks whether I will die?
Answer the fear, not the statistic. "The doctors are working hard to make me better, and I will always tell you the truth" is honest at any stage. If the outlook is uncertain, say you do not know yet, and that you will tell them when you do.
My teenager has gone silent. Is that normal?
Very. Teenagers often process by withdrawing, or by throwing themselves into exams or friends. Keep offering information without forcing conversation, and let another trusted adult, an uncle or a teacher, be someone they can talk to instead of you.
How do I explain the stoma bag to a child?
Plainly. "The doctors made a small opening on my tummy and poo comes out into a bag for now, because the inside needs to heal." Most children are curious rather than upset, and some want to help. Let them see it once, calmly, so it is not a mystery.
Should the school be told?
Yes. Tell the class teacher what is happening and what the child has been told, so the school does not say more than you have. A child who is tired, tearful or acting up is much easier to help when the staff know the reason.
Will my children get colon cancer because I have it?
For most families, no more than a somewhat raised risk, which is handled by starting screening earlier in adult life rather than by any test in childhood. Only a small number of tumours point to an inherited syndrome, and your oncologist will tell you if yours does.
Who can help me if I cannot do this alone?
A psycho-oncology counsellor, arranged through CION, can plan the conversation with you or sit in on it. Many parents also find it easier to tell the children with a grandparent or the other parent present. Call the helpline and ask; nobody expects you to have the words ready.
Your Specialists
Meet CION's colon cancer specialists. Bring your colonoscopy, scan or biopsy report.
Our surgical and medical oncologists plan colon cancer care together: which operation, whether chemotherapy is needed, and the follow-up that comes after.
Medical Oncologist
Dr. C. Raghavendra Reddy
MBBS(Gold Medal), DNB(General Medicine), DM(Medical Oncology)(Gold Medal)
Medical Oncologist
Dr. Bharati Devi Gorantla
MBBS, MD(General Medicine), DM(Medical Oncology)(Adyar,Chennai), ECMO, MRCP SCE(UK)
Medical Oncologist
Dr. Owais Mohammed
MBBS, MD (General Medicine), DrNB (Medical Oncology), ECMO, MRCP SCE (Medical Oncology) (UK)
Medical Oncologist
Medical Oncologist
Surgical Oncologist
Dr. Muralidhar Muddusetty
MBBS (AIIMS), MS (Surgery) (AIIMS), DNB (Surgical Oncology), MRCS (Edinburgh)
Surgical Oncologist
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Patient stories
Hear it from people we have treated
Every story is a video, in the patient's own words. Nothing here is a written testimonial.
Sources
- National Cancer Institute — Emotions and Cancer
- National Cancer Institute — Caregivers of Cancer Patients
- Macmillan Cancer Support — Bowel cancer (including rectal cancer and colon cancer)
- American Cancer Society — About colostomies
This page is general information, not a prescription. Do not change or stop any treatment based on what you read here. If anything is worrying you, contact your own treating team — or call our helpline and we will help you reach the right specialist.
Keep reading
Related pages
Telling your family you have colon cancerThe same conversation with parents, in-laws and siblingsCounselling and psycho-oncology supportHelp for you and the children if words will not comeThe emotional side of living with a stomaWhen the bag is the hardest part to talk aboutShould your children be screened?What your diagnosis means for their own risk, later in life
Talk to us
Not sure how to start the conversation?
A counsellor can help you plan what to say, or sit with you while you say it. Call and tell us how old your children are. One helpline serves every CION centre.