Medical Oncologist
Sex and relationships
Loss of desire during chemotherapy
Losing interest in sex during chemotherapy is very common and nothing to feel guilty about. Tiredness, nausea, hormone changes, medicines, body image, fear and low mood all play a part, often together. For many people desire returns gradually after treatment. Meanwhile, honest conversation, other forms of closeness and treating symptoms can help.
NG
Medically reviewed by Dr. Naresh GunduConsultant Medical Oncologist · MBBS, DNB (Internal Medicine), DM (Medical Oncology, AIIMS) · last reviewed September 2026, next review due September 2027
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The short answer
Why has my desire for sex gone during chemotherapy?
Losing interest in sex during chemotherapy is one of the most common changes people experience, and it is rarely just one thing. Deep tiredness leaves little energy for anything beyond getting through the day. Nausea, pain, mouth sores and diarrhoea make physical closeness uncomfortable. Treatment can lower oestrogen or testosterone, and bring on menopause symptoms or erection problems. Anti-sickness, pain and mood medicines can dull desire. And changes in how you look and feel, fear about the cancer, and low mood all push sex further down the list.
None of this means something is wrong with you or your relationship. For many people desire comes back gradually after treatment ends, as energy returns, hormones settle and life feels less dominated by illness. For some, especially after early menopause or hormone treatments, changes last longer and need extra help. Meanwhile, it helps to talk honestly with your partner, keep other forms of closeness, treat symptoms that make sex uncomfortable, and tell your team, who can look for causes that can be helped. Feeling no desire is not a failure, and nobody should feel pressured.
It affects men and women
Desire often falls in both, for similar and different reasons, and it is equally valid to raise.
Partners may feel it too
Partners can lose desire because of worry, tiredness from caring, or fear of hurting you.
Low mood is a common hidden cause
Depression reduces desire and is treatable. Mention it if you feel low most days.
Tell your team if loss of desire is distressing you or your partner. It is a real side effect, and there may be causes that can be helped.Why it happens
What reduces desire during treatment
- Tiredness
- Treatment tiredness can be overwhelming and leaves little energy for intimacy, especially in the days after each cycle.
- Physical symptoms
- Nausea, pain, diarrhoea, mouth sores, vaginal dryness and erection problems make sex uncomfortable or unappealing.
- Hormone changes
- Lower oestrogen or testosterone, early menopause and hormone treatments can reduce desire and arousal.
- Medicines
- Some anti-sickness, pain, sleep and mood medicines can dampen desire as a side effect.
- Body image
- Hair loss, weight change, scars, a port or stoma can make you feel less attractive or self-conscious.
- Emotions
- Fear, anxiety, low mood, grief and the stress of treatment all take energy away from desire.
Not sure whether this applies to you?
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What helps
Small steps that ease pressure and keep connection.
Talk honestly
Tell your partner that the change is about treatment, not about them. Saying it out loud often eases hurt on both sides.
You might say
- I still love being close to you
- My body just has nothing left right now
Keep closeness without pressure
Hugging, holding hands, lying together and massage maintain intimacy without any expectation of sex.
Treat what gets in the way
Nausea, pain, dryness and erection problems can often be eased. Ask your team.
Worth mentioning
- Pain or dryness during sex
- Low mood or poor sleep
Choose better days
Energy is often better before the next cycle. Some couples plan time together for those days.
Look after your wellbeing
Gentle activity, sleep and time for things you enjoy can gradually restore energy and mood.
!
Get help promptly for any of these
Feeling hopeless, worthless or low most of the day for more than a couple of weeks · thoughts of harming yourself or that life is not worth living · being pressured or forced into sex · violence or threats at home · severe anxiety or panic. Talk to your team the same day, and if you are in immediate danger or thinking of harming yourself, go to the nearest emergency department or contact emergency services.
Being straight with you
What this page cannot tell you
It cannot tell you when your desire will return or what is causing it to fade for you. The mix of tiredness, hormones, medicines and emotions is different for everyone, and your team can help work out what is involved.
It also cannot recommend medicines or hormone treatments to boost desire. Some are not safe after certain cancers, so decisions must be made with your team.
Recovery is usually gradual
Many people notice desire slowly returning in the months after treatment, often after energy improves.
Hormone treatments can prolong changes
If you continue hormone-blocking treatment after chemotherapy, desire may stay lower. Ask about ways to manage this.
Mismatched desire is common
One partner may want more closeness than the other. Honest, kind conversations help avoid resentment.
Counselling can help
A counsellor or psycho-oncologist can support individuals and couples through these changes.
Masturbation is safe
Some people find that touching themselves helps them reconnect with their body without pressure.
Do not take unprescribed products
Herbal or online products claiming to boost desire may interact with treatment or be unsafe.
Single people are affected too
Loss of desire can affect confidence and future relationships. It is equally worth discussing.
It is not a sign of love ending
Loss of desire during treatment is about the body and mind under strain, not about affection.
Be patient with yourselves
Giving each other time and reassurance protects the relationship while the body recovers.
Rediscovering touch slowly
Some couples find it helps to agree on times for closeness with no expectation of sex, such as a massage or lying together. Removing the pressure often allows desire to return more naturally when the body is ready.
Partners need reassurance too
A partner may worry that loss of desire means rejection. Regular, simple reassurance that you still care helps protect the relationship while treatment continues.
Tiredness changes over the cycle
Many people notice that energy and interest are lowest in the week after treatment and improve towards the next cycle. Keeping a simple note of good and bad days helps couples see a pattern, plan time together, and feel less discouraged when a hard week comes.
When medicines may be involved
If desire fell sharply after starting a new medicine for mood, sleep, pain or sickness, mention it. Sometimes a different medicine or a change in timing helps, but never stop a medicine without advice.
Rebuilding confidence after treatment
After a long course of treatment, some people feel out of practice or unsure of their body. Going slowly, starting with touch and closeness, and talking about what feels good can rebuild confidence at a comfortable pace.
What to do next
Talk openly with your partner, keep closeness without pressure, tell your team about symptoms that get in the way such as pain, dryness or low mood, avoid unprescribed products, and ask about counselling if changes are distressing either of you.
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Commonly believed
Four beliefs about desire and treatment
"Losing desire means I no longer love my partner."
It is a common effect of treatment on the body and mind, not a sign that feelings have changed.
"Desire will never come back."
For many people it returns gradually after treatment. Help is available if it does not.
"This is too embarrassing to mention to doctors."
It is a recognised side effect. Your team can look for causes that can be treated.
"Without sex, there is no intimacy."
Touch, talk and time together keep couples close even when sex is not wanted.
Questions we are asked
Common questions about loss of desire
Why does desire go during chemotherapy?
Tiredness, physical symptoms, hormone changes, medicines, body image and emotions all play a part, often together.
Is loss of desire permanent?
For many people it improves gradually after treatment. It may last longer with early menopause or hormone treatments, but help is available.
What helps?
Honest conversation, closeness without pressure, treating symptoms such as pain or dryness, looking after mood and sleep, and counselling if needed.
Does this happen to men too?
Yes. Men often lose desire during treatment, and may also have erection difficulties. Both are worth raising.
How do I tell my partner?
Explain that it is caused by treatment, not by them, and share what closeness still feels good to you.
Can medicines help?
Sometimes treating low mood, dryness or erection problems helps. Ask your team before taking any product.
Is it normal for my partner to lose desire too?
Yes. Worry, caring and fear of hurting you often affect partners.
When should I seek help?
If the change distresses you or your partner, or comes with low mood, talk to your team and ask about counselling.
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Sources
- Macmillan Cancer Support — Sex and relationships
- American Cancer Society — Sex and the Woman With Cancer
- American Cancer Society — Sex and the Man With Cancer
This page is general information, not a prescription. Do not change or stop any treatment based on what you read here. If anything is worrying you, contact your own treating team — or call our helpline and we will help you reach the right specialist.
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