A husband's guide to his wife's breast cancer

You do not need perfect words. Sit with her, hold her hand and say that you are in this together. Avoid saying do not worry or be positive, which can feel dismissive. Asking what is frightening her most often helps her open up.

Ask her first. Most women value having their husband there to listen and take notes. Let her speak and ask her own questions, and offer to ask the ones she may find difficult. Respect her wish if she wants a private moment with the doctor.

Get the treatment schedule early and share it with your employer. Many workplaces allow leave or flexible hours for family illness. Prioritise the key appointments, such as results and surgery, and ask relatives to cover some routine visits.

Many couples can continue intimacy, but ask the team about precautions, such as using condoms during chemotherapy and avoiding pregnancy during treatment. Low blood counts and tiredness may mean some days are not suitable. Closeness can take many forms.

Keep their routines steady, handle school and meals where you can, and agree with your wife on what to tell them. Children cope better with simple honest information than with secrecy. Ask teachers to let you know if they notice changes.

As her husband, you can politely set limits. Explain that the doctors are guiding treatment, that visitors need to be limited to reduce infection, and that remedies must be checked with the team first. This takes pressure off her.

Yes. Caring through cancer is draining, and anger, fear and resentment are common feelings. They do not make you a bad husband. Talk to a counsellor or friend, take short breaks and share tasks so you can keep going.

Tell her often that your love and attraction have not changed, and show it through touch and attention at a pace she is comfortable with. Ask whether she would like information about reconstruction or a prosthesis, and support whatever she chooses.